Some months back, I would have vehemently opposed the idea of quitting my job and staying at home. This week saw my mind think just the opposite. This is a curse for all working women, I suppose. The mental battle on whether to continue work, or take a break for sometime until the kids are grown up a bit, or quit job forever and morph into the ideal housewife/mom.
When I had to stay back late at work one evening, going through the tensions/pressure of programming something new that I am not used to, I was shaken. How long can I cope up with the pressure of the IT field? New technologies and new programming languages. Concepts are the same, but one has to tirelessly update knowledge and keep swimming in the ocean tirelessly. I feel tired and exhausted. I am not in a mood to swim anymore for now. I feel like giving up.
My boys are growing. May be, I could give them much more from my part if I stay home. I am sure they will love that. At home, I could try to be the ideal housewife, experimenting new dishes and keeping the house clean and all that.
Hmm...so easy to say, but once I quit my job, am I going to be happy?I am afraid I will regret the decision. I should not be taking drastic decisions when I am emotionally drained. That may not be the right decision. But I will never lean towards quitting a job and being home, in any other mood. So may be I should do it - when I am thinking what I never thought before.
My mind went in circles. I dreaded the start of each new day. I managed to live through them all, one day at a time. I survived the week and I am feeling better. These questions haunt my mind from time to time, but I recover from them and proceed with life, without making a change. These thoughts go to sleep for time being and rebound later. Will I ever make the big decision to change my life altogether and will I be happy with the change? Only time will tell.
5 comments:
You are not alone. We all face those questions. I agree with you that one must not make decisions when emotionally drained. And once the mood is in the upswing, these doubts, guilts vanish by themselves. Unless totally required to quit, I think we must persist and do our best at both fronts. As women, we are far more capable to do justice to both the worlds.
@manpreet - thanks! for now, I am continuing! Where do you work and as what?
Yes; it is a tough one, don't worry! you are doing great! just go with your instinct and with the confidence that whatever you decide will be the best decision!
Have a nice day!
I go through these phases too. I think we all should take a break for six months every three years!
But you know what? I don't think I am less of a mom because I go to work, and by the same token, don't think I will make a better wife if I were to stay at home. I will find something else to sulk about if I were at home.
Being a stay-at-home requires tremendous discipline, which doesn't come naturally to me.
@js- thanks..taking one day at a time!
@suman - good to hear I am not alone.It is a phase that should pass soon hopefully.I really like your idea of 6 months break once in 3 years! Wow!
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