Second Day in Chennai

I woke up at 4.30 but continued to lie down for some and finally woke up. I was tempted to dial B's number in my Appa's mobile. After chatting with my talkative son 2 over phone, I switched on TV and browsed. I landed a program with randon Tamil songs being played. Sipping morning coffee and watching good old Tamil movie songs in India, I could not remember how long ago I would have enjoyed this combination. May be it was way back when I was single and living with my parents that I felt this exact feeling.

I went for a morning walk with my dad and 2 of his elder brothers to a surprisingly beautiful and decent walking trail around a lake in this Chennai suburb. When confronted by a cow on the way, I wished my boys were here with me then - they would be amused to see the cow blocking our way. Talking to my old uncles and walking with them was a nice moment.

Rest of the day flew by with usual chores of shopping and visits to stiching center and dry cleaning shops. At RMKV, we shopped for a festive occasion and I enjoyed looking at the colorful sarees and Indian dresses.

We ended the day by visiting the eldest uncle in the family and sought the blessings of his and his wife. Watching my dad talk and laugh aloud, sharing stories of weddings in the family, most of which I was part of when I was a school girl was all enjoyable. The pace is picking up. Jet lag is wearing off.

I was surprised to see a descriptive email from Nikhil 'dedicated to me'. Nice things do happen when there is a change in life.

Semicolon

When I parked the car and got out this Tuesday, I could see Nikhil waving at me from the window in 2nd floor -"How was your last day,Amma?", he screamed. As I entered the home, both the boys came right to the door step and hugged me tight. It was my last day of work before I become a SAHM by choice for sometime.

I have been contemplating this move since some months. Kind of tried to push me away from the decision, tried to chug along with the long commute, guilty feeling of not devoting time for kids with a tireless smiling face and the ad-hoc conditions of operations of work with the budding new product. Finally, I saw signs around me that said - JUST DO IT for your peace of mind. B supported it. Kids welcomed it. I took the step.

When I resigned, I worried about what will be the reactions of different people around me. I realized that even when I make decisions after a lot of thought, I am the kind who seeks approval from everyone for my actions. It is the way I was brought up - I cannot be totally careless about the 'opinions' of people. Close friends and family had seen me go through a tough time in coping with work and commute. They could understand me. My colleagues really opened up and they could see my point in my current stage of life. So I bid good-bye to some good friends and colleagues. I was lucky to have a manager who provided lot of options for me to stay back. I am grateful to have had him as my manager - or else I would have left a while ago. In spite of all that, my heart kept telling me to see a change in life.What I will miss most about this work place would be the PEOPLE again.

It is not a period - I would like to think of break as a semi - colon. The sentence will continue some time later.

As I look ahead, I realize I will get bored eventually, will get tired of screaming to the boys when they fight with each other. At that point, I will look into getting back on the groove, but for the moment, it feels like the right thing to do. I did enjoy working for the past 13 years. But now, I want to take a break - not having to worry about waking up early, beating the traffic, driving 45 min sounds like a welcome change. Being there for son 1 when he comes back from school. Being there for Son 2 before he goes to kindergarten next year and reading books to him. Not having to bother B about my work-woes. Cooking some nice meals without thinking of it as just a chore. Driving Son1 to activities. Helping MIL with cooking as long as she is here. All these sound appealing now.

I am leaving to India tomorrow to meet my dad on his 60th birthday. I am glad I am able to go.
It will be just myself in India for 3 weeks. The kids are here with B and his parents. As much as I am excited to have a fun trip and some nice times with my parents, friends and family, it pains to see Nikhil emotional. He surprised me by making a 'MISS YOU' art work with his 'haiku' on me. Seeing this, the younger one got the help of grandma and made a similar card for me. I am treated so special because they will see me only after 3 weeks. I am touched.

Will keep you all updated from India.