How hard to control the mind - blabbering post

I push and drag and force it so hard. It goes back to the same thoughts. I am surprised and shocked by what it happening to me. When did I change and why did I change? Is the age that is doing this to me? I am not forty yet, but I feel really weak and tired. I am exhausted from all the running around and I feel so burnt down. I need a break - is all I am asking every second. Whatever I do, I am coaxing my mind to drag for another day. I really don't know how long I can do this.

P.S. All is fine at family front.

Hello Again

The reason I am not posting regularly is that I was very busy at work. Also, I cannot sign into my blog as blogspot is blocked now from office. That would mean that if I get a small break time at work, I still cannot blog. I have to either shift my blog to another domain or do it from home. Working moms out there can understand how difficult it is to do it back home after work. Anyway, I will try - I have been missing writing out to you all so much that I wanted to write something at least today.
Will be back soon! Have a great day!

On what is going on at my end

Life is chugging along.

March 16 marked the completion of a decade of B and my wedding life. We took off that day, completed the first annual checkup of my eyes after the Lasik surgery, did some shopping and spent some time roaming around while the kids are at their schools. I would recommend that to any other couple in the world. We try to do it occasionally. As much as we love our kids, the time without them is required to talk about our lives and make future plans. A day off from our works when they are at schools does it for us without having to feel too much guilty.

Happy Easter, btw! I feel like writing a lot, but not sure what all to write. I wonder what is really LIFE - is it the hectic work weeks or the relaxing or partying weekends? Some weekends are equally busy, you don't even know how quickly they came and went. Bulleted updates/thoughts seem to be the best way to put my thoughts into words.

• Spring has finally arrived. Beautiful weather! Sunny skies and not having to wear jackets anymore makes me happy.
• In the middle of a crazy work week, the one afternoon when I could step out with my colleagues to get a SubWay sandwich when the weather was nice, felt like breeze.
• Still hooked to Idea Star Singer - but it is hard to catch up on the 1 hour show - I have to fast forward some songs and watch just the score part.
• Nikhil is riding the big bicycle we got him last year now!
• Nithin loves to ride the tiny cycle - hope to get him on to a bigger one
• We had fun at the HOLI party. Played colors just like last year.
• It feels like we have lived in the Philly area for a long time now..coz we have done everything around here more than once! We are so used to where we are and as bold I was to think about in the past about making a move, now I am not that bold anymore?? I feel like let us be here, why take the risk of losing the friends we have and start from scratch.

Catch you later, guys!

First day of Swimming

This Monday was Nithin's first class for swimming. Last year, when we tried to make him join Nikhil's class, he cried aloud and refused to go into water. This time, he agreed to come to the class as a student because his friend was also in the class with him. While we got him changed to swim shorts, I could not help being nervous.

All the memories of taking Nikhil to swimming to different places came to my mind. He would cry all the way through in the car, refusing to go. It took many years of struggle from his part and our part to finally make it happen. When Nikhil swam finally, it was a relief and a pleasure. So I was keeping my fingers crossed getting ready to see Nithin cry and revolt.

Here he goes, his teacher took him in her hands. And he just went with her, smiling away shyly.

Not a bad start! It was hard to believe. Soon he and his friend were comfortable with the idea of taking turns and going with the teacher. He even asked - when will my turn come? I could not believe that it happened. Ithink all the pool time we spent at couple of hotels and beaches over the past year made him comfortable with water. And having his brother and friend with him too. It looks like a great start. I am prepared for crying sessions in future sessions when the teacher will put his head under water. But I hope he learns swimming too like his bro! It is exciting to watch your second son go through learning phases!

Update

Every time, I get behind the wheel and enter the Turn Pike in the evening, I draft so many versions of things to write as a post. I edit them, rephrase them - but all in my mind. It never saw the light, so here I am typing up finally. I will update the latest in bullets.

• Finally the weather is good. What a relief! I hope 'THIS IS IT' for the snow storms.
• I was in training for 3 days. Reminded me of the training days in my old work. The past 3 days were full of classes and the coffee breaks. Head Ache. Trying to concentrate. Times when I asked questions to the instructor. Times when I shouted out the correct answer. Times when my mind wandered off to the 'To Do List' in life. The sense of humor of the instructor was too good - we all laughed a lot and so were awake for the most part.
• Heritage Night - this Tuesday, was the night dedicated to different cultures in Nikhil's school. It happens every year. Nikhil participated in a group dance with other kids from our development. This time, it felt like we have seen it happen a lot before. It almost ends up being a Desi night due to the population of Desis in our area. It is great for our kids to have so many of them around, so they won't feel they are singled out. Since we are seeing it for past 3 years, we got used to it and this time, I let B stay home with Nithin and take a relaxing break.
• I am totally HOOKED - to the Asianet reality show called 'Idea Star Singer'. Watching it over and over, I am now familiar with most of the singers. So much so that, Nithin asks -'Amma, is Danny your friend?'. Danny is one of the singers.He watches carefully the marks being awarded to them. I learnt that there is one episode every week day. I am always trying to catch an episode I have not seen. I enjoy the songs and also the judges' comments. Nikhil says 'Amma, you are watching too much of Idea Star Singer. It is not good for you!'

Have a great weekend, friends!

It is concert time again!

No, I am not talking about musical adventures by me or B. This is the Grade concert in my son's school. Tonight is the third graders concert. It is that time of the year again. We all have to be there early enough to guarantee a parking spot. We have to stand in the line outside the doors shivering in the cold, if you want a fairly good spot for seeing the kids and recording them in camcorder.

It brings back memories of the past 3 years. I still remember how astonished and impressed I was when I heard the Kindergarten students perform. I was surprised because Nikhil did not mention anything to me about the songs or what the deal was with the concert. I never once heard him singing at home, so the whole concert was a total surprise to me. The kids sang so well, it was damn cute to see their actions. This experience built so much of an expectation that I felt unimpressed on the first grade concert. And then there was second grade concert. I don't recall much of these - but it has become a historical event to us.
It is a tradition now that we save the print outs the school distributes with all the song names and the names of the kids. This goes into the scrapbook I edit once in a year with Nikhil's works. And after the concert, it is another tradition to take him to the Icecream shop. The Brusters close to home was the first stop in first two years, I think. Then they closed the shop down forever, so we had to hit the Dairy Queen near by. Nikhil still recalls how tasty the icecream was in the Brusters.
Time flies, I could say. It is already 3rd grade concert. I am looking forward to the evening and the traditions associated with it.

Great party

The efforts put it by our party committee definitely paid off well. It was a well organized party with games and performance. Dress code was black and/or red. It was a treat to the eyes to see all dressed up. I myself wore a red saree which is 10 years old now. It is the saree I wore for the register wedding part of my wedding. Well, there was no time to relive memories as it was a busy day and a busy night.

Afternoon, we practiced our songs with the instruments and the mics/music system installed in our basement. And we awaited the evening!

Ours was the last but one item. I must say it has been ages since I stepped on any stage. We all sat comfortably with our instruments and even though I had never had trouble with stage fright before, why was my throat getting dry all of a sudden? We smiled at the audience, I spoke some introductory words impromptu and here we began. Singing in a microphone does boost one's confidence.

First song was 'Ajeeb Dastan Hai Ye' - an old Hindi melody. It is an easy, smooth sailing song - we sailed through it comfortably. Next was our key number - it is the song 'Give Me Some Sunshine' from 3 Idiots. We even called ourselves 5 idiots! It involved more coordination than the other song. But looks like the 'na na na' caught the audience - they asked for once more. After all, they have to support us - we live in the same neighbourhood..hehe! We sang it again and we felt on top of the world. B sang a solo from Guns And Roses. Frankly I was running around hunting for our camcorder to record his song and missed most of his song. Nikhil participated in a group dance by kids.

The rest of the night, I saw many talented singers among the folks there. We enjoyed a karoke session (again impromptu!) with old Hindi songs. Dance floor was open as usual. B and I enjoyed a lot more after the kids were asleep. It was fun! It is ironical that even though B and I both can sing and he can play guitar, we never play music together at home - this event brought a new beginning, I hope! I also hope to enjoy some music sessions with our co-players at the valentine concert in future.