Old countdown over..new starts

A BIG SORRY for being so silent. I got a couple of emails/comments from friends who care and were tired of this silence. Countdown to return back to US was over long time ago.

Back in US, I could see the market was getting better. I got two offers around the same time.
One close to home, in the same company where I worked for 5 years some time ago. Another one, far from home, but promising to give me some new kind of work experience and build more on the knowledge I gathered in the past two years. It was a tough decision. But I chose the far job over the close one. I will join the job this coming Monday.

When I went to interview in my old company, it was a great experience. It was like walking into one's own home. I could recognize almost every person that I saw there. In spite of that, I have made a decision to try out some new challenges. Biggest challenge for me is the 45 minutes drive in the Turn Pike one way every day. It is much more than what I have ever done. But I am hoping for some exciting times. New office, new colleagues, new places to eat lunch..I will be working close to two of my friends' offices. Work wise also, I will have a lot to learn.

Another major change in my life was that B's parents returned back to India a month ago. We miss them a lot. They were very much helpful in our day to day life. I am now playing the role of a house wife - planning about what to make for the next meal, grocery shopping, driving Nikhil to activities etc. But since I was at home, I enjoyed it all.

This week, Nithin was sick for past 3 days. He is on the mend now. I am hoping he recovers for the big change in our lives next week. He will have to go to day care all 5 days from the '3 days only' schedule. He does not like the idea much. I am worried my transition into the working mom role goes easy with the three men in my life!

Mood Swings of a Working mom

Some months back, I would have vehemently opposed the idea of quitting my job and staying at home. This week saw my mind think just the opposite. This is a curse for all working women, I suppose. The mental battle on whether to continue work, or take a break for sometime until the kids are grown up a bit, or quit job forever and morph into the ideal housewife/mom.

When I had to stay back late at work one evening, going through the tensions/pressure of programming something new that I am not used to, I was shaken. How long can I cope up with the pressure of the IT field? New technologies and new programming languages. Concepts are the same, but one has to tirelessly update knowledge and keep swimming in the ocean tirelessly. I feel tired and exhausted. I am not in a mood to swim anymore for now. I feel like giving up.

My boys are growing. May be, I could give them much more from my part if I stay home. I am sure they will love that. At home, I could try to be the ideal housewife, experimenting new dishes and keeping the house clean and all that.

Hmm...so easy to say, but once I quit my job, am I going to be happy?I am afraid I will regret the decision. I should not be taking drastic decisions when I am emotionally drained. That may not be the right decision. But I will never lean towards quitting a job and being home, in any other mood. So may be I should do it - when I am thinking what I never thought before.

My mind went in circles. I dreaded the start of each new day. I managed to live through them all, one day at a time. I survived the week and I am feeling better. These questions haunt my mind from time to time, but I recover from them and proceed with life, without making a change. These thoughts go to sleep for time being and rebound later. Will I ever make the big decision to change my life altogether and will I be happy with the change? Only time will tell.