Here or Somewhere Else

I am happy where I am now. I mean, the place and home where I live. I have friends and neighbors around this area who are so much part of our life, that it will be hard to live without them.

But I also wonder - is this where I am going to be for the rest of my life? I would like to say No. I would like to believe that life has so much more in store for me and my family. The mystery of it enchants me!

Life plays wonderful games (sometimes, yucky - I don't want that!) and you never know, where you will end up!

As much as I am used to where I am, I also dream of a place where I will be tomorrow - a totally new place, settling with my family and figuring out things around the new home. It could be close to where I live now, or it could be in a totally different place. I know I would enjoy driving around (B drives, I talk :-) ) finding connections between different small roads and guessing where the roads will lead to. New schools for kids. New work places.

The only risk I run here is ending up in a place where I don't have anyone to depend on/hold on. What is the guarantee that I will find folks as nice as I already know? How bold should one be to let go of all he has and move to a new place and start over - unless forced to?

I have that fear and hope towards a change too. I would love to look forward to a future with totally new experiences.

What do you feel? Can you think of moving from where you are now? Or not?

P.S. Thought process inspired by a girl friend B.

Thinking Activities (pun intended!)

This week, it was extremely tough to get up every morning. Blame it on weekdays evenings that have been exhausting with activities that there is not even one evening where you could relax. One is always on the run - driving in the dark, rainy nights chasing fog off the headlights. Especially now that it turns dark so early!

Sometimes I wonder, these activities that I take my son to - are they becoming too much? Is it helpful in shaping his personality? It surely takes a toll on parents - driving around kids from one place to another. But it also feels risky not to have him do anything apart from school. We don't want him to feel out of place among a bunch of kids who do sports and other activities.

Sometimes, kids have all the energy and are ready to go for the activities - while I feel like I have none. It is his interest that pushes me to take him to karate. "Do you really want to go today?" "Yes, yes".Sometimes, it is our interests that pushes them - they are not really particular, but you believe it is good for them in the long run. And a little bit of push - you see him making progress and you tell yourself - 'See, I knew it!'.

In the mechanical run, there are moments we miss to smile on. The pranks the kids do, irritate us because we are hurrying to get them somewhere. One has to step aside, take a deep breath and remind oneself of this quote that comes flashing to my mind today -
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

Holiday Party

When I got the invite to our office holiday party weeks ago, I was excited and very motivated to go with B. Problem is that kids are not allowed at all. Last year, we had B's parents at home so we left the kids home, dressed up in formal clothes and went. This year, I was not sure what to do. So eventually my enthusiasm drained out and I was looking for more reasons to skip it than to make it happen.

Yesterday was the party day and B and myself decided not to go. During the day, I made a call to my friend B who inspired me to attend it. R from work also tempted me to come. I thought let me give Miss. B (Nithin's babysitter) a call. If she says she can watch my kids for couple of hours that evening, I could probably go. I gave her a call and apologized for the last minute request. My mind was prepared to take the answer that comes in the right spirit. After all, I had not been keen in making arrangements in the beginning!

Miss B said a cool Yes! This is a first time for us - to leave the kids with a baby sitter for any event and go! I was both thrilled and nervous at the same time. The rest of the afternoon went by in going home and visiting the beauty parlor lady in our neighborhood for a clean-up (oh my God, it is so hard for women to dress up for a party, I tell you!). I did not want Nithin to spend a continuous 12 hours away from home, so we picked him up , brought him home for couple of hours. Then we dropped both the boys at the baby sitter.

We made it to the party. Kids were safe and there was peace of mind. We missed the first hour, but got to meet friends and have dinner. We started soon after dessert and headed to pick the boys up.

While we were driving back, I realized that more than the fun I had the party, I was more amazed about how quickly the kids adapted to the situation. When I saw Nikhil at home and started to prep him emotionally, he said 'I know. I know we are going to Miss B, and you both are going to an office party'. His dad had mentioned and he was just fine with it. Nithin became fine with it since big bro was with him. As we got the kids back, I felt a sense of accomplishment - having tried out leaving kids with a sitter for the first time in life!

This incident made me realize two things:
1. It is just a matter of making the start. Sometimes we hestiate so much for a thing, and we are surprised it was not that difficult after all.
2. Quoting my Appa - If something is destined for you, it will happen. I tried so much not to make this event happen, but, in the end, it did anyway. This is debatable but there is some thrill in quoting Appa's theory! Gives me a magical feeling about life!

Lay Offs

Three years back, it used to be a threat when we heard people at work talked about 'layoffs' and 'reduction of head count'. Eh, summa solraanga, appidi ellam onnum nadakkathu..that was my reaction to it. When you hear of an upcoming event like that, rumors float around and you pray to God. "Oh God, please not me. And not now". And one day, it did happen. Luckily I was not affected, but witnessing close friends pack their things and leaving the company within the notice of an hour or so, my heart ached.

I have seen that people who got laid off just got new jobs and are doing good now. It probably turned out good for them, in one way or the other.

And I heard of a similar layoff in my old company recently. I feel sad hearing the names of people I know, some close friends and some acquaintances.

It reminds me of the day I received the termination letter from the Indian consulting company I worked for. I was 7 months pregnant and my contract with the client ended due to the client's budget issues. And quite coolly, the company who employed us and processed our H1 visas let me go. This was within 1 year of our moving to US and we never had an idea of terminations/lay offs in India. This was the time when recession was at its peak. The company knew that if they keep me they will have to pay for my maternity benefits etc. Hmm, I cried a lot for some days. That is probably the first kind of rejection I am getting from any institution.

Over time, I consoled myself as it was so obvious that they did it for financial reasons and not because of my inability to perform. It suited my situation to be home with my baby then. And I eventually started working an year later.

It must be a painful moment when you hear the news. And you are shocked. Most people did not have a clue that their name could be in the list. Some of them were rated as exceeding expectations for performance reviews and yet were laid off. It used to be with great pride that we would say the name of the company we work for. There was a bond that was formed over time. But all of that could come to an end quite unexpectedly. It seems that it is better not to get too attached to anything ever. It is only practical that you don't fool yourself with such ideas as my company and my team. For people like me, it is hard to remember not to get attached.