Beginnings and Ends

The demise of a close relative in India left us thinking a lot about death. We all know it is a truth, it is bound to happen to all of us some day. Yet, when we see it happen, it is shocking and sad. We wonder how we spend our lives attached to the material things and how we fight or keep grudges against people. In the end, all that matters is how much we loved and how we lived. It saddens us to think that when we go again for a visit to India, we won't be able to meet this aunt as we usually do. Her smile and her radiant face will live in our memories always.

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On a different note, Nikhil's school closed yesterday. He brought back all his belongings, composition notebooks and a picture of him and his teacher. Loads of paper has piled needing clean-up in his room. It is the beginning of summer vacation. It marks the end of his second grade and the beginning of his journey towards third grade. It made me emotional thinking how fast he is growing. Third grade is supposed to be more serious and a beginning of a new era in elementary education. I am eager to see how it will change our lives!

This brought back so many memories of my own school years. Summer vacation as the single daughter did not mean much excitement to me. But then, at that age, I did not know what excitement meant. I was satisfied with being home all the time, reading more 'Sujatha' books and any Tamil novels I get, watch TV and listen to radio. I did not have a social circle or play mates until I was at the end of Xth standard. Cycling to friends near home and chatting with them marked the beginning of the change in my life. Seeking friends and refusing to be a loner, I was so sure about how I want my life to be.

Towards the end of the vacation, somehow we would get the news that the new textbooks for the next class have arrived at the bookstore of our school. People would rush to the school, stand in line and grab the loads of books from the school bookstore before they run out of stock. The memory of this ritual is still fresh in my mind. The fragrance of the new text books, the promise they made and the thought of going back to school always brightened me up. That meant, getting back with friends and learning new things. I still remember, as soon as I arrive home with the new text books, I would open them up and start reading. Those were the days! Cotton Hill.G.H.S., Trivandrum meant the home for me. It brought out the best in me - academic as well as extracurricular activities.

OK, that was a trip down the memory lane. Catch you later!

Nine

Nine years ago, it was on this day (March 16 - wanted to post this yesterday) that B and I became man and wife. We can't believe our marriage is 9 years old. It feels like 2 or 3, but the two boys stand proof of the age of the married life. The wedding was a goal we had to strive for. To get the consent and blessings of both sets of parents. To work out the logistics of ceremonies. To pick a date (we picked the 6th anniversary date of when we realized we were not just 'friends' any more). To arrange the reception hall and menu.To print out invitations. The whole day, right from morning, we both were nervous. It was a wedding and decision we both were mainly responsible for.

Nine years later, I am glad for everything I have. I cherish all the memories of togetherness.
For the moments, when we smiled and laughed together. For the innumerable times I said something and did not get a response back and I had to nag (see, I had no choice!). For the arguments which ended peacefully and those that left an unpleasant feeling! For the two bundles of joy! Here's to the nine years and many more years of togetherness. B, are you reading this?

Birthday memories

Today is my birthday! The best thing about this day was Nikhil coming up to me in the morning and evening and hugging me repeatedly and saying "Happy Birthday, Amma!". Remember some of the old birthdays where every moment of the day felt special! Every second was to be savored and thanks to nice friends around, one got the most attention, well wishes, greeting cards and gifts. It looked like he is going through similar emotions for me!

This year I felt birthday is like any other day. In the past, I used to feel that I need that special attention or something special done for me.

When I was a child, birthday meant getting a brand new dress. But nothing more than that. Altough people talk about single children being spoilt by parents' pampering, I did not get that kind of attention from parents. They treated me like a normal kid - sometimes more like an adult. So the first time I got pampered was really when I went to Women's College, Trivandrum to study pre degree - by friends. A group of 4 friends, we started the tradition of getting birthday cards, buying icecream and in our own way, celebrating each other's birthday.

When I went to Engineering College, Trivandrum, the first year was truly a totally new and different experience. Friends did not mean girls alone, anymore. I still remember my first birthday in that class after our tour - when we were all not just classmates, but had become friends. A tradition of spending close to Rs.300 emerged and that was the first time, I 'fought' with my father for money. He was shocked to hear my demand for money for birthday because I wanted to give a treat to friends! Anyway, he obliged - as he always has been my dear friend too!
He still would recall that incident where the changes in me shocked him!

Anyway, I really enjoyed every bit of the day with gifts and cards. The gift I cherish was an audio cassette of the Hindi hit of that time - Raju Ban Gaya Gentle man.The next year, when I received my birthday gift from B, little did I know that this tradition/relation was to go on for forever! That too, was an audio cassette of the movie Uzhavan by ARR.

Then we started working - so had more money at our disposal. The day started with phone calls and progressed with birthday emails from friends who worked in other companies.It invariably had a lunch with colleagues and a dinner with collegemates.

Then B and I got married and the first birthday after wedding, B hid gifts all through home like a treasure hunt! That was fun.

Years pass by - now I hear B and Nikhil whisper something to each other. Wonder what is cooking!

A one liner from the closest friends, emails from new blog-friends whose wish took me by surprise, an e-Card from Appa, talking to Amma yesterday night for the occasion, a phone call from a friend warmed up my heart and that is all I need now to feel happy about my birthday!

Ding Dong..

Today evening, the door bell is going to ring many times. As I washed and wiped the fancy looking glass bowl to place the treats for trick-or- treaters, I took a walk down the memory lane.

Halloween did not mean much to me until Nikhil was three. We were invited to go around a friends' community with her kid. He could barely talk and after a round of houses, I was surprised to see him babbling 'trick or treat' and asking for candy to strangers in their homes. I remember being excited about dressing him up in Barney costume and going around with a pumpkin basket.I also remember B getting him a Thomas costume online one Halloween when every other store had run out of it. It was expensive, but we wanted to put a smile on his face!

Over time, we learned to be smart - reuse the costume if we can! For the past two years, our kids are Spidermen! As long as they are ok, we don't plan to change it. Thanks to a family friend's hand-me-down, Nikhil is HULK this year! In the Halloween parade at school, he was showing off his muscles!!

Nithin is all excited to wear a Spiderman costume. I am not sure if he remembers any of the last years rounds. This will be his first active halloween, I think.

Within few hours, we will all be walking around the community with the baskets. In Malayalam, there is a word called 'Thendal'. This is real thendal - walk around with basket and ask for candy!
"Bhavathi candy dehi"!

Seems to be a warm sunny day - so I hope it does not get very cold soon in the evening!
Happy halloween to all of you! Happy weekend - I missed saying this last Friday!

Lay Offs

Three years back, it used to be a threat when we heard people at work talked about 'layoffs' and 'reduction of head count'. Eh, summa solraanga, appidi ellam onnum nadakkathu..that was my reaction to it. When you hear of an upcoming event like that, rumors float around and you pray to God. "Oh God, please not me. And not now". And one day, it did happen. Luckily I was not affected, but witnessing close friends pack their things and leaving the company within the notice of an hour or so, my heart ached.

I have seen that people who got laid off just got new jobs and are doing good now. It probably turned out good for them, in one way or the other.

And I heard of a similar layoff in my old company recently. I feel sad hearing the names of people I know, some close friends and some acquaintances.

It reminds me of the day I received the termination letter from the Indian consulting company I worked for. I was 7 months pregnant and my contract with the client ended due to the client's budget issues. And quite coolly, the company who employed us and processed our H1 visas let me go. This was within 1 year of our moving to US and we never had an idea of terminations/lay offs in India. This was the time when recession was at its peak. The company knew that if they keep me they will have to pay for my maternity benefits etc. Hmm, I cried a lot for some days. That is probably the first kind of rejection I am getting from any institution.

Over time, I consoled myself as it was so obvious that they did it for financial reasons and not because of my inability to perform. It suited my situation to be home with my baby then. And I eventually started working an year later.

It must be a painful moment when you hear the news. And you are shocked. Most people did not have a clue that their name could be in the list. Some of them were rated as exceeding expectations for performance reviews and yet were laid off. It used to be with great pride that we would say the name of the company we work for. There was a bond that was formed over time. But all of that could come to an end quite unexpectedly. It seems that it is better not to get too attached to anything ever. It is only practical that you don't fool yourself with such ideas as my company and my team. For people like me, it is hard to remember not to get attached.

One year back..same day..kya hua..

In the beginning of last year, I started looking out for a change of job.

Some emotions I recollect are:
-Determination to do something about my life then.
-Apprehension about what my value will be in the job market.
-Attending calls/sending job related emails stealthily.
-Receiving the call that I am being offered the job was a Eureka moment, but I was keeping my reaction controlled!
-Worried about the long commute in the highways, B and I did some test drives.

Just a week before the joining date, I resigned the previous job and then went on the already planned cruise to Bermuda. Just B and me. Even when we were in the cruise, the tension of the new work place and the highway-fears peeked here and there.

I joined the present job EXACTLY one year back (June 18,2007) . (BTW, on a side note, B and I also completed 8 years in United States on June 13, 2008....time flies!)

I was absolutely having nothing much to do in the initial months.The transition from the desi atmosphere in my old job to the 'apne kaam se matlab rakho' (let us all mind our own businesses!) culture here was really tough for me. I felt alienated and isolated, but I learnt to live it the way everyone lives it here. Walks along the riverside with the cell phone hooked to my ears, I started finding my avenues.

One such avenue I discovered was the world of Blogs. Reading Laksh everyday, I was inspired to start my own and soon I did. I did have a website from before (Sujathaworld.com) , but I did not feel like changing anything there. What I was really in need of, is exactly this blog that you are reading now. Thanks for the inspiration, Laksh!

Then came the busy Fall season, and I had no time to breathe. Another period of lull in the winter and another crazy Spring work season. I really enjoy the work when I am busy. The job demands working through weekends and late nights, but now I know to look forward to the end of the season and chug through it.

Thanks, Laksh, UL, JustSomeOne, Suman, Akay, Anila, Noby, Achayan (my Mr.B) and my Appa for being the good e-Pals that you are. Your comments brighten my day and inspire me to write more. Writing by itself is enjoyable, but when I hear back from you, I am glad that I'm heard and I am connecting with you all.

In the tunes of old Hindi song, SAU SAAL PEHLE MUJHE TUMSE PYAR THA..I would like to sing the below lines!

ek saal pehle, mujhe blog se pyar hua...aaj bhi hai ....aur kal bhi rahega!

Athu s(h)ari, wonder how I connected my job anniversary to my blog career. You can tell I am waiting for some new task at work, right!! Ciao!

VCR, DVD and Home remedies

I remember when I was in school and pre-degree, there were two things I yearned for. One was a phone at home and the other was a VCR. VCR was a luxury at that time. We had TV with Doordarshan, but somehow, my Appa did not feel the need for a VCR. And when something is not there, human mind really longs for it.

There was this custom at that time, that people rented video players and the cassettes from the shop. During my summer vacations to Pammal, Chennai, I have had the privilege to view a lot of Kamal's movies in video. They used to call a VCR a 'deck' for some reason. Renting a VCR was termed 'deck edukkarathu' (in Tamil) .Kamal fan cousin rented Kamal movies and Rajni fan cousin rented Rajni movies! Coming back home, I have seen people around our house, renting them and inviting me also to watch them. I remember I tried to convince dad to rent one and he seemingly agreed to it, and I was disappointed later to find he was not really convinced. He did not want to deal with the renting issues but wanted to buy one. And soon, we owned one.

And the problems that come with it! There were bad old tapes with fungus in them. The picture was not clear and you had to clean the VCR head. Remember the spray with a long red tube that sprayed the cleaning liquid..and the cleaning tape. What a relief to see Mohanlal's face clear after the cleaning session!

And then there was this trick called 'tuning' when the picture used to jump continuously! It was so annoying and irritating. A movie just began and then the picture jumps on and on. If you have experienced this, you will know what it exactly means. We would hope that it will get better after 5 minutes of playing. Sometimes I did, mostly it did not. Tuning helped stop the heroes from jumping and limping on the screen.

Then came the issue of camera prints. We will be all thrilled to see a new movie cassette in the store and would be easily tempted to rent it. And only when you put it, you knew that it is a camera print. You could see shadows of people standing before the screen and cloudy picture and loud volume. And the comment from mom follows - why did you take this camera print - as though you knew it is going to be this bad.

Then came the DVD and VCD era. Wow..clear picture and uninterrupted viewing of the movies! I never want to go back to the video tapes and their problems. I slip on the DVD from Indian Store in US. Hey, but wait! Why is this movie stuttering and stammering? It is a DVD and it played well so far..what happened? Guess, there are some scratches or is it dirt on it? I take it out, blow on it and wipe it well with a tissue..and that could get me to the climax of the movie.

I guess whatever advancements technology makes, there will be new kinds of problems and new home remedies! Life is never perfect.